The European Commission has just announced an aggreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of her negotiations, Her
Majestys Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would
be known as 'Euro English'.
In the first year 'S' will replace the soft 'C'. Sertainly, this
will make sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'C' will be replaced
with the 'K'. This should klear up Konfusion and keyboards kan have
one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome 'PH' will be replaced with 'F'. This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Government will enkorage the removal of double letters,
which have always been a deterant to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the language is
disgrasful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'TH'
with 'Z' and 'W' with 'V'. During ze fifz yar, ze uneseary 'O' kan be
dropd from vords kontaining 'OU' and similar changs vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yar, ve vi hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikutlis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!