How It Feels When Parents Divorce

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Lesson 6

        How It Feels When Parents Divorce

              Text A

Ari, age fourteen
    When my parents were married,hardly ever saw my Dad
becausc he was always busy working. Now that they're divorced , I've gottenknow him more because I'm with him everu weckend. Andreally look forwardthe weekends because it's kindlikebreak-it's like goingDisncyland because thcre's no set schedule, no "Be home by five-thirty" kindstuff. It's open. It's free. And my fatheralways buying me presents.

    My Mom got remarrieddivorced again, so I've gone through two divorces so far. And my father's also gotten remarricd-to someonedon't get along with all that well. It's all rnade me fcel that people shouldn't get married-they should just livc togethermake their own agreement. Then, if things get bad , they don't haveget divorcedhire lawyerssue each other. And. even more important, they don't haveend up hating each other.

    I'd say thatworst partthe divorcethe money problem. It's been hardmv Mom because lotstimes she can't pay her bills, andmakes her angry whenstay with my fatherand he buys me things. She gets madsays things like "If he can buy you things like this , then he should be ablepay me. " Andfeel caughtthe middletwo reasons;

first,can't really enjoy whatever my Dad does getme,second,don't know whobelieve. My Dad's saying, "I don't really owe her any money,"my Mom's saying he does. Sometimesfightmy Momsometimesfightmy Dad, butwish they'd leave me outit completely.

    Inlotwayswish my Mom would get remarried, because then she wouldn't haveworry so much about finances. But I'm sorry that my Dad got remarried, becausefeel left outlottimes. And one thingreally worry aboutthatthink they wanthavebaby, andknow that if they do,will be just likereplacementme.

That's becauseonly see my Dadweekends,since he would seebaby more than he'd see me, he'd probably growlikemore than he likes me. It could belot like what happened with my dog Spunkur.

I've had himabout six yearsI've always said I'll never love any dog as much aslove him. Well,year agopicked uplittle black Labrador puppy frompound,nowfind I'm not as friendly with Spunkur asusedbe. Andthink Spunkur feels jealous , just likewould if my Dadmy stepmother hadbaby.

 My Dad saidwouldn't be that way, that we'd bewhole familyI'd havelittle brother or sister, which would belotfun, buttold him, "Look, bytimekidold ehouglitalk, I'll be outcollege. I'm not goinghave anythingdo withbaby. You know that it's justreplacementme ! "

    Iflived'full-time with my Dad,would probably be easiermeaccepthaby because we'd bean equal footing, but I'd rather stay with my Mom, where lifenormal-where we
live like most people live, with breakfast at breakfast timedinner at d;nner time.do my homework, play with my friends-it's allway life should be. Iflived with my Dad,might be more fun at times, butwould go crazy.wouldn't wantbe brought up that way.

            Text B

          Sara, age twelve

   guessmain reasonwas mad at Daddy was becauseall made my mother so unhapp.y, andended up feeling sorryboththem-my mother because she was strugglingmake ends meet,my Dad because he couldn't really do much about it.

    Even though my parents separated more than three years ago, it's still very vividmy mind anddoubt if I'll ever forgetwayfelt attime. Yet, as awful aswas,never hoped they'd get back together. And nowthink I'd die if they did, becausewould be so awkwardrne.

I think they're both much happier now,.it's obviousme that they both lead totally different lives. Sincebreakup I've been ablesee my parents' true colors' especially my mother's. I've seensideher thatnever saw before. When she was married, sheDaddy wereperfect couple, always quiet, talking about dignified things,they would never laugh or anything.

Nowadays my motheralways happyggy. Another way she's changedthat she always usedhide her problems from me but now she's more aptdiscuss things.think she's more relaxed-and so's my Dad.

    Bothmy parents started dating other people right away, andthink they'll both get remarried eventually, whichfine with me. They don't discuss their love lives with me all that much, butcourse I'm not blind. For example, one nighthadsleep-over atfriend's housethe next morningcame home earlier than I'd planned to.

 Well,just stormed into my mother's bedroom,there was this guyher bed-she was somewhere else,another room.started cryingeverything,my mother triedconvince me she had sleptthe couch. Now thatlook back,was pretty hilarious, andcoursedon't care-I mean,understand about those kindarrangements.

Inbeginning, when my father hadgirlfriend sleep over, he didn't know howtell me-he just sortsaid, "Oh , you're sleepingthe couch tonight , " because at that pointdidn't have my own room athousesharedbedroom.

 It's still hardmy Dadlevel with me about this parthis life, but he's getting better. Anyhow, neitherthem should worry about my getting upset, because I'm old enoughunderstand that grown-ups are allowedhave private lives, which includes other people. But if someone's goingspendnight,think it's betterless awkward ifknow aboutbeforehand, so I'm not taken by surprise.

   still wantget marriedhave kids , buthavelotfriends who don't want to.was discussing marriage with one boyknow,he said, "I'm never ever getting married. " He tookparents' divorce really badly becausemotherfather weren't friends afterwards-they were enemies, screamingthe phoneeach other. I'm glad my parents are good friends, having lunch togetherstufi.think it's so much easierthe child ifparents are friendly. If they aren't, it's really difficuit because there's alwaysright side andwrong sidethe kids are just caughtthe middle.

   think I've grown uplittle faster becauserny parents' divorce. It's made me realize more aboutproblemslifehelped meunderstand my parents-and appreciate them as individuals. It's just too bad they couldn't have been as happyproductive ascouple as they've been since they've beentheir own. Andalso wish thatnext time my mother has tickets forRolling Stonesl8 concert, she takes me insteadher boyfriend, whichwhat she didlast time!

           Additional Information

         Heather, age eleven

    So we haveswitch backforth, doing ita weekly basis seemsworkbest. I'll trymake one room my real roomhaveotherone Iike camping out.can't buy twoeverytlring, somight as well have one good room that's really mine.

    Another aspectjosnt custody that's difficultthat my parents have very different rulesphilosophies about life. For example, my Dad's attitudethat he lets us learn by our mistakes ,my mother does exactlyopposite-she tells us howact before we makemistake. And my Dad says we can watch TV forwhile after school ,my Mom says we can'tthat we havesel'ect our programs verv carefully.

At my Dad's house Matthew hasdohomework right away, but he getsstay up until ninewatch The A I'eam because that'sfavorite show. Mom doesn't want himwhen we're at her house but she feels she hasgivebecause Matthew says, "Well, Daddy lets me do that athouse. " He's learningplay them against each other atvery early age.don't do that, buthaveadmit there are times whensecretly wishwas at whichever house I'm not at.

    It would be nice if there could bespecial housedivorced families. It would be like two houses, side by side, withplacethe middle wherekids could live. Then when parents had arguments they could each gotheir own placeget away from each otherthink things out by themselves.

That way, they could realize how dumb they were behavingget back together again.know it's too latethat kindarrangement with my parents-and aslook backsee that they're both.happier being apart. My father's becomedifferent person, you know,it's unbelievable.

I likeperson henow because he doesn't get angry as fast as he used to. And my mother's much happier because she doesn't haveworry about getting Daddy mad. Another good thing that's happenedthat my father's turned intoterrific cook, andmakes me feel proudbe onethe only

, peoplemy class whose father cooksdoes things like' taking mehockey practice andsewing. And it's greatsee how my Mom doesn't haverelyDaddypaybillsthrow outgarbage. She's working nowthat's helped her feel important. Neitherthem hasrelythe other onedumb ways,way they used to, andthinkthey're both much better off asresult.know that neitherthem will ever be ableforget allanger, butthink that as time gdesthey'll sortcometheir sensesbe pretty good friends. That's whathopemore than anythingthe world!

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