Lesson 6
How It Feels When Parents Divorce
Text A
Ari, age fourteen
When my parents were married,
hardly ever saw my Dad
becausc he was always busy working. Now that they're divorced , I've gotten
know him more because I'm with him everu weckend. And
really look forward
the weekends because it's kind
like
break-it's like going
Disncyland because thcre's no set schedule, no "Be home by five-thirty" kind
stuff. It's open. It's free. And my father
always buying me presents.
My Mom got remarried
divorced again, so I've gone through two divorces so far. And my father's also gotten remarricd-to someone
don't get along with all that well. It's all rnade me fcel that people shouldn't get married-they should just livc together
make their own agreement. Then, if things get bad , they don't have
get divorced
hire lawyers
sue each other. And. even more important, they don't have
end up hating each other.
I'd say that
worst part
the divorce
the money problem. It's been hard
mv Mom because lots
times she can't pay her bills, and
makes her angry when
stay with my fatherand he buys me things. She gets mad
says things like "If he can buy you things like this , then he should be able
pay me. " And
feel caught
the middle
two reasons;
first,
can't really enjoy whatever my Dad does get
me,
second,
don't know who
believe. My Dad's saying, "I don't really owe her any money,"
my Mom's saying he does. Sometimes
fight
my Mom
sometimes
fight
my Dad, but
wish they'd leave me out
it completely.
In
lot
ways
wish my Mom would get remarried, because then she wouldn't have
worry so much about finances. But I'm sorry that my Dad got remarried, because
feel left out
lot
times. And one thing
really worry about
that
think they want
have
baby, and
know that if they do,
will be just like
replacement
me.
That's because
only see my Dad
weekends,
since he would see
baby more than he'd see me, he'd probably grow
like
more than he likes me. It could be
lot like what happened with my dog Spunkur.
I've had him
about six years
I've always said I'll never love any dog as much as
love him. Well,
year ago
picked up
little black Labrador puppy from
pound,
now
find I'm not as friendly with Spunkur as
used
be. And
think Spunkur feels jealous , just like
would if my Dad
my stepmother had
baby.
My Dad said
wouldn't be that way, that we'd be
whole family
I'd have
little brother or sister, which would be
lot
fun, but
told him, "Look, by
time
kid
old ehougli
talk, I'll be out
college. I'm not going
have anything
do with
baby. You know that it's just
replacement
me ! "
If
lived'full-time with my Dad,
would probably be easier
me
accept
haby because we'd be
an equal footing, but I'd rather stay with my Mom, where life
normal-where we
live like most people live, with breakfast at breakfast time
dinner at d;nner time.
do my homework, play with my friends-it's all
way life should be. If
lived with my Dad,
might be more fun at times, but
would go crazy.
wouldn't want
be brought up that way.
Text B
Sara, age twelve
guess
main reason
was mad at Daddy was because
all made my mother so unhapp.y, and
ended up feeling sorry
both
them-my mother because she was struggling
make ends meet,
my Dad because he couldn't really do much about it.
Even though my parents separated more than three years ago, it's still very vivid
my mind and
doubt if I'll ever forget
way
felt at
time. Yet, as awful as
was,
never hoped they'd get back together. And now
think I'd die if they did, because
would be so awkward
rne.
I think they're both much happier now,.
it's obvious
me that they both lead totally different lives. Since
breakup I've been able
see my parents' true colors' especially my mother's. I've seen
side
her that
never saw before. When she was married, she
Daddy were
perfect couple, always quiet, talking about dignified things,
they would never laugh or anything.
Nowadays my mother
always happy
ggy. Another way she's changed
that she always used
hide her problems from me but now she's more apt
discuss things.
think she's more relaxed-and so's my Dad.
Both
my parents started dating other people right away, and
think they'll both get remarried eventually, which
fine with me. They don't discuss their love lives with me all that much, but
course I'm not blind. For example, one night
had
sleep-over at
friend's house
the next morning
came home earlier than I'd planned to.
Well,
just stormed into my mother's bedroom,
there was this guy
her bed-she was somewhere else,
another room.
started crying
everything,
my mother tried
convince me she had slept
the couch. Now that
look back,
was pretty hilarious, and
course
don't care-I mean,
understand about those kind
arrangements.
In
beginning, when my father had
girlfriend sleep over, he didn't know how
tell me-he just sort
said, "Oh , you're sleeping
the couch tonight , " because at that point
didn't have my own room at
house
shared
bedroom.
It's still hard
my Dad
level with me about this part
his life, but he's getting better. Anyhow, neither
them should worry about my getting upset, because I'm old enough
understand that grown-ups are allowed
have private lives, which includes other people. But if someone's going
spend
night,
think it's better
less awkward if
know about
beforehand, so I'm not taken by surprise.
still want
get married
have kids , but
have
lot
friends who don't want to.
was discussing marriage with one boy
know,
he said, "I'm never ever getting married. " He took
parents' divorce really badly because
mother
father weren't friends afterwards-they were enemies, screaming
the phone
each other. I'm glad my parents are good friends, having lunch together
stufi.
think it's so much easier
the child if
parents are friendly. If they aren't, it's really difficuit because there's always
right side and
wrong side
the kids are just caught
the middle.
think I've grown up
little faster because
rny parents' divorce. It's made me realize more about
problems
life
helped me
understand my parents-and appreciate them as individuals. It's just too bad they couldn't have been as happy
productive as
couple as they've been since they've been
their own. And
also wish that
next time my mother has tickets for
Rolling Stonesl8 concert, she takes me instead
her boyfriend, which
what she did
last time!
Additional Information
Heather, age eleven
So we have
switch back
forth, doing it
a weekly basis seems
work
best. I'll try
make one room my real room
have
otherone Iike camping out.
can't buy two
everytlring, so
might as well have one good room that's really mine.
Another aspect
josnt custody that's difficult
that my parents have very different rules
philosophies about life. For example, my Dad's attitude
that he lets us learn by our mistakes ,
my mother does exactly
opposite-she tells us how
act before we make
mistake. And my Dad says we can watch TV for
while after school ,
my Mom says we can'tthat we have
sel'ect our programs verv carefully.
At my Dad's house Matthew has
do
homework right away, but he gets
stay up until nine
watch The A I'eam because that's
favorite show. Mom doesn't want him
when we're at her house but she feels she has
give
because Matthew says, "Well, Daddy lets me do that at
house. " He's learning
play them against each other at
very early age.
don't do that, but
have
admit there are times when
secretly wish
was at whichever house I'm not at.
It would be nice if there could be
special house
divorced families. It would be like two houses, side by side, with
place
the middle where
kids could live. Then when parents had arguments they could each go
their own place
get away from each other
think things out by themselves.
That way, they could realize how dumb they were behaving
get back together again.
know it's too late
that kind
arrangement with my parents-and as
look back
see that they're both.happier being apart. My father's become
different person, you know,
it's unbelievable.
I like
person he
now because he doesn't get angry as fast as he used to. And my mother's much happier because she doesn't have
worry about getting Daddy mad. Another good thing that's happened
that my father's turned into
terrific cook, and
makes me feel proud
be one
the only
, people
my class whose father cooks
does things like' taking me
hockey practice and
sewing. And it's great
see how my Mom doesn't have
rely
Daddy
pay
bills
throw out
garbage. She's working now
that's helped her feel important. Neither
them has
rely
the other one
dumb ways,
way they used to, and
thinkthey're both much better off as
result.
know that neither
them will ever be able
forget all
anger, but
think that as time gdes
they'll sort
come
their senses
be pretty good friends. That's what
hope
more than anything
the world!